Tim Gary's Mind Drops » Online success

Asking for the [Next] Sale

Tim Gary — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 06:01:11 +0000

If you’ve been involved in, or studied “sales” at all, you are aware that much of the work comes in actually asking for the sale. If you skip this step, no sale is likely to be made, and no-one wins.

Pretty obvious.

But, let me tell you a quick story.

In the past 5 weeks me and my wife have been going to dinner weekly with an awesome younger couple we actually met while dining. We tend to eat out a lot, and during one evening experiencing a new Mediterranean restaurant in town, my wife struck up a conversation with the couple next to us. They already had their food, and we were interested in how it was. A conversation quickly started, and they stayed to talk while we eventually got our order, and finished supper.

Normally, this sort of thing would end with an exchange of information, and talk of getting together for dinner in the future.

If you’ve ever had anything remotely similar happen to you, you are well aware that there is virtually no chance of either party calling and setting up a future engagement. This applies to running into an old friend, a chance business meeting, etc..

So, instead of leaving it to chance, I pretty much “forced” the issue, by helping to arrange the next meeting then and there. We chose where and when to meet the following week on the spot, without putting it off. We’ve gone out every week using the same technique. Arranging our next meeting at the end of our current one.

It’s not rocket science. It’s really simple! But many businesses which *could* practice this, simply don’t. The consequences are that they throw money away on gaining that first customer, but not following up and asking for the NEXT sale immediately. Their new clients drift elsewhere, or otherwise forget about the positive experience they had with the business owner.

This can be applied to almost any service business, and is especially useful in personal services (physical and mental health, etc). It’s also practiced online with “One Time Offers”, and other tactics which basically do the same thing. Customers are immediately presented with another offer, while the positive effects of the first are still lingering.

Think about how you can create your follow up sale during the initial one. You may just strike gold for almost no extra work.

Oh, and it works for things other than sales, as described in my true story.

Let me, and others know how you might apply this to situations you face by commenting below!

Thanks,

Tim

You Can’t KNOW Until You Actually DO

Tim Gary — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 06:01:04 +0000

Lot’s has happened these past few months. I’m going to share just one thing tonight.

Surprisingly, what I share below did not come with any kicking and screaming!

I’ve re-learned a very important lesson, that seeing/understanding something is not the same thing as *knowing*. This came to play when I got an iPhone for my upcoming trip to Italy. I wanted to be able to stay in touch online, without lugging a laptop across the country. Through other projects, I did some research and found that the iPhone has WiFi connectivity allowing it to be used at local hotspots, with no extra charge (as long as they were free).

Frankly, I’ve not understood the fascination with “web 2.0″, social websites, smart-phones, or half a dozen other “innovations” of the past fest years. They all seemed kinda silly, and a waste of time. Do we really need more ways to communicate, and keep in touch? Aren’t cellphones, and their ability to talk to anyone, anytime enough?

Heck no!

I’m finding out first hand exactly why people are standing up and shouting that these things are the future. While not usually part of the crowd mentality, I can truly say that *get it* now.

Now I understand why people love the iPhone, Facebook, and all the other new media tools available to them. Put simply, they allow a sense of connection to the rest of the world. They don’t feel left out, alone, or disconnected.

Let me explain a little. I got a cell phone long after everyone else I knew. For the past 3 or 4 years I’ve asked my wife to put in new phone numbers and contacts into my other phones. It’s not that I couldn’t do it, it’s just that I didn’t care. I used the phone very little, and when I did it was to 1 or 2 other people almost exclusively. So who cares if I have the numbers to my eye doctor, dentist or friend in Arroyo Grande, CA in there? It wasn’t like I’d talk to them more than a few times a year. What’s the big deal?

No, the contact info in the phone is NOT the big deal. The other uses are the big deals… (but the contact info helps)

I can now check email from almost anywhere in the USA. This incluled a recent visit to a very remote location where there wasn’t even a hardwired phone line. There was an AT&T tower [barely] within range, and about half the time I was able to both connect to the regular phone service, as well as the older “edge” data network for email/web browsing.

You’re going to think I’m full of it, but for a very good reason, we even checked on recipies for cooking squirrel! No Joke. Just ask my brother, who’s friend it was.

Did I mention this was a remote location!?

Anyway… What I’ve found is a new way to communicate, stay in touch, and feel connected regardless of where I go. The Apple iPhone application (app) store has thousands of programs on it. Many of which are actually useful. It was another big ah-ha moment when I actually atarted using them.

Let me just run down when I’ve used in the past week, from memory (beyond the native email app, which is a given, and probably # in terms of use)..

1) An RSS reader to keep up with the latest blogs I visit.

2) A to-do list (Toodledo) which tracks projects/to-do’s.

3) Jott, a joice to text service which allows me to post entries to Facebook, Toodledo, Twitter and many other locations. It translates my spoken commands and info into text, and does what I want with it.

4) A great recipie program to give us cooking ideas while at the supermarket.

5) Games to kill time waiting at the ____ office

6) Music — I can use it as an MP# player, and I’ve loaded about 8 gigabytes of my 200+ GB music and spoken word MP3′s (yes, all converted from purchased CD’s!)

7) Checked the yellow pages for auto parts stores in the area, as well as the number of the Toyota Dealership for my brother–while driving around.

Used the GPS and Google Maps while snowshoeing at 9000 ft in the sierras

9) Found the wi-fi signal at my wife’s work, to verify a laptop wireless network card wasn’t working.

10) Checked the weather forecast

11) Looked for nearby restaurants

12) Checked on my client site’s Google Analytics

13) Found out what it was like to read a Kindle book on a smaller screen (hint: it’s not bad, but not as good as the really thing–just ask my wife, who loves her Kindle 2.0!)

14) Downloaded a guide for Rome, and an Italian translation app for our upcoming trip! Man, I’m starting to be abl eto travel light!

15) Check local movie times

16) Fool around with Google Earth…

17) Read parts of some self-development classic books

18) Update and read Facebook status

19) Check the reviews of a wireless USB network card on sale (refurb) at Fry’s for $9. Surprisingly, it was a good one and I got two (should have gotten 3 or 4! The two are already taken, and I find uses for these things more often than you might imagine.

20) taken some pictures

Ok, I exagerated a tiny bit. This was in two weeks!

This was all done by someone who didn’t use the cell phone he had much at all. Someone who didn’t even put contact info into it. Someone who didn’t “get it”.

Let me tell you this, and you really should listen, even if you have no interest in the iPhone or other new gadgets.

You don’t know something until you experience it. You can’t learn to swim, perform heart surgery, or understand Web 2.0 until you get your hands dirty. It’s really the only way. I used to think that I understood the whole web 2.0 scene. I just chose not to follow that path. It didn’t make sense to me, so I stayed away…

Well, I was a fool, and didn’t have a clue.

Not because I didn’t follow that path (because it’s not always the right path), but because I didn’t really understand it, and without true understanding, the right choice is impossible.

What might you be naive about (maybe unknowingly), due to lack of direct experience? If you “got it”, would any of these things present new opportunities or markets to you? Are there things you’ve passed up because they didn’t make sense at the time, but might if you took the time to dive right in?

It really was an amazing feeling to understand the fascination with something that was otherwise looked at as a distraction, and I plan on making it an ongoing persuit to try new things, instead of assuming I know all about them. I suggest you keep your eyes open to opportunities, and do the same.

If you have any questions, or comments, let me know! Please, I know there are people posting comments just for the back links… That’s fine, but be aware that unless the comment relates directly to the post, I will likely not approve it.

You will find this, and similar ideas to help you open your mind to new business and life opportunities in the Beyond Unstuck Seminar found on this site. For a very limited time, as a reader of this blog, you will get something others won’t. Pick up this course right now, I’ll answer your emailed questions up to 4 times a week during the first month after your purchase. Just use the contact-us form on this site, and include your purchase receipt id/code. Other coaches offer this service for hundreds of dollars a month–yours free for the first month when you invest just $50 for a course worth far more than that already!

The risk is all mine, since there is a 60 day money back guarantee, and you’ll never lose anything you learn from the coaching or course.

I can only handle a handful of email coaching clients at this time (up to 7 this month), so sign up before the offer goes away (or you have to wait for a slot).

Be Well,

Tim

Do You REALLY Want to be Found Online?

Tim Gary — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 08:03:14 +0000

Maybe you’re like me…

Thinking you want your site to be found online, but not doing nearly enough to make sure it happens.

You figure…

I’ll get to it…
I’ll take care of it when I get my product or service ready…
The traffic I get now is just fine…
And the BIG LIE: If I build it, they will come!

I don’t believe any of that, but sometimes I just get a little lazy. I don’t do everything I need to do when it comes to making sure people can find me when they are looking for what I have to offer. Maybe you can relate…

Is you blog getting the traffic it deserves?

Does your product or service site get a constant stream of FREE prospects?

If not, you should probably be looking for some simple ways you can bring the site visitors you want. Not that there’s a lack of such information out there. You can find more than enough material to cover every conceivable traffic generation strategy out there

Some of these strategies use tools to fool search engines into bringing you visitors (hey, they may work for a month or so!), some promise listings in just hours… And if you really care about the one person a year who searches for “internet guru wannabe”, they could probably do it!

But… When it comes to real life searches for phrases that people actually search for, you need to seek out those who have actually done what you are attempting, and find out what really works. You don’t want theory, you want fact.

If you’ve been to my site in the past year, and actually explored the sites I recommend, and resources I promote, you’ll know that Fred Black’s blog has been on the list since the very beginning. There’s a reason for that, which I’ll get to in a moment.

First, head over to this “sales page” for his latest product, and I’ll explain when you get back…

Fred Black’s Search Engine Optimization

Seriously, please check it out before coming back…

Free Search Engine Traffic Exposed

Ok… Let me tell you WHY I have his site featured here on my “blogroll” to the right. It’s because I found him by searching for “internet business” (quotes or no quotes, it doesn’t matter). Why was I searching for that phrase? Because a so-called “internet business expert” kept claiming that he knew the secrets to everything from search engine optimization to product creation.

The funny thing is that nothing he said ever panned out. Yes, HE had/has a cult following under various real and pseudo names, but if they ever broke away from the mantra, and did even the slightest amount of research, they’d find no substance behind most of his products and services. If you watched what he does, and what he says, they are miles apart.

But I digress.

What I found was that Fred’s blog was at the top for this search, and it made me wonder why, and how he could pull this off. It’s not like he’s Apple Computer or something. He’s an honest guy working online and off, by providing people what they are looking for. In this case, Internet Business advise and tools. Heck, his free courses are better than most of the paid ones I’ve seen.

Have you been to his site yet?

Anyway… Someone who can get to the top of this phrase without mega bucks is someone who should be listened to.

I’ve already started putting his information into practice, and expect great results over time.

So, if you want to know what works in SEO, from someone who actually knows what he’s talking about, check out his SEO Brain Dump for the real scoop. He makes it easy to understand, and takes the fear out of generating free website traffic.

If you’ve had experience in SEO for your site, I’d love to hear about it. Just post a comment below. If your experience has been less than spetacular, check out Fred’s course.

Tim Ferriss’s Lawyer Post, Think of the Trees!

Tim Gary — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 04:00:26 +0000

As if my head wasn’t full enough already!

For reference check out this post:

http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2008/10/28/how-not-to-use-a-lawyer-a-personal-case-study-plus-protocol-marketing-correction/#comment-28042

I was going to just laugh this post off. But, it’s actually only one of about 100 posts in my RSS feeds today the caught my eye enough to read, let alone comment on (no I don’t read more than 2 or 3 of them a day).

It seems a sign of our times:

You’re wrong……. No, we’re right…….. TAKE THIS YOU _______!

What’s missing? COMMUNICATION is MISSING. There are so many other avenues this could have taken that it’s funny and scary at the same time. Unfortunately it mirrors the world (or at least the U.S.) as a whole. It’s all “US” against “THEM”, but at the core we all really want the same things.

We want.. Prosperity. Freedom. Love. Health. Peace. Happiness….etc

We just may have different views on “obtaining” them (note: you don’t really obtain most of them, but I’m at a loss for another word). Instead, the vast majority of people stick to their own dogma, and refuse avenues of communication which could forge new ideas and directions which could potentially be win-win’s.

Without exposing my “hand”, consider the general economic theories which promote either trickle down, or trickle up (ok, sue me if I’m getting terms wrong, the point of the post remains just as relevant).

One basically says that you should support the top (a corporation for example) so that its prosperity can trickle down to to everyone.

The opposite side basically says that you should support everyone, so that their riches flow up to the top, again so that everyone can get/be ahead.

The common ground is that everyone wants everyone to get ahead, yet they have opposing methods to get there. The are ALWAYS fighting about who is right and who is wrong. It’s insanity!

Why?

I knew you would ask. The answer is: Because they are both wrong, and they are both right.

If you’ve been following my posts, you know I like to take real-world examples and show how they might help you move forward with your desires, dreams and goals. This example may be my most basic and important yet…

Consider a TREE. It grows in “two” directions at once. The Roots grow down as they are fed water and nutrients from the soil. The Branches grow up and outward with the photosynthesis of the sunlight. Without BOTH, neither would grow for long, and the WHOLE would DIE.

Umm.. Sometimes there are no RIGHT and WRONG. Both sides are required to may anything work.

I’ll spare you about 100 similar examples that are firing into my head. Maybe you can comment below on whatever strikes you as requiring “both sides” to win. I’ll get you started…

Male/Female
Customer/Business
Lenders/Borrowers
…

Let’s not point fingers and “be right”. Let’s understand that the business can’t service without the Customer, and Men can’t survive without Women. Without communication and co-operation between the two nothing will function for long.

-Tim

P.S. If you’ve been feeling “stuck” in your situation–maybe you’ve been thinking about starting a business to supplement your income, or even go full-time in a new direction, let me know. Use the “Contact” link at the top of this blog and let me know. I may be able to personally help. Yes, this means you.

P.P.S. Please also sign up to receive an email when I update this blog (or have something to share). Just put you name and email in the space to the right OR subscribe in your favorite RSS reader program.

You Can’t KNOW Until You Actually DO (5)

Something is Happening (not that it’s obvious)

Tim Gary — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 03:32:02 +0000

Yes, this is going to be one of those posts which happen from time to time on blogs that aren’t updated in a while.

But… It will not make a feeble attempt to explain away the reasons, or apologize.

Quite simply, I’ve been focusing on other projects. I’ll probably talk about them here in the future, but for now they’re a secret.

It’s likely I’ll reinvent this site into something a little more fun, and include more personal info and news. If you care to tune in, great. If not, that’s fine too.

For more posts like I’ve done here in the past, I expect to start updating my other blog site: www.successunstuck.com with the same sort of real-life examples of self development for personal and business success that I’ve done here.

Additionally, I intend to get into the nitty gritty of Internet Business on an all new site devoted to more specific steps to profiting online. It’s unlikely (for a long while at least) to be as comprehensive as Terry Dean’s Internet Lifestyle Retirement System Course, so if you really want to fast track your online business, just get this course (yes, I did), and do what it tells you. Let me know if you get it via the link above, and I’ll send some bonuses your way.

Also, thanks to everyone who left comments this Summer. It’s good to see people still reading and making use of the content found here–even if it’s just for some back-link luv (you didn’t think I’d notice, did you?) Feel free to keep it up, but you may have noticed, I don’t generally approve obviously generic comments, nor ones that appear to be machine generated. Relative and useful comments only please.

-Tim

Resistance is Fruitful

Tim Gary — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 05:17:54 +0000

Background: The Borg (see Star Trek Next Generation, and others) are known for their warning “Resistance is Futile”. Yet in nearly every TV episode, the good-guys, known as the Federation, resist and come out ahead.

There’s a general direction in the law-of-attraction that directs you to avoid resistance, and create your own “flow” of action and results. In many cases this might be a wise choice. Going with the flow, and avoiding clashes and confrontation *can* be way more productive in many situations. Taking the path of least resistance is more than helpful in situations such as:

martial arts, where brute force is secondary to using your opponent’s momentum
sales and marketing, where you should work within your prospect’s parameters, instead of your own
product creation based on what “the market” wants, instead of what you want to give it
using your natural and easy to come by talent, instead of trying to improve things that you have no aptitude, or interest in

BUT…

Even if you have aptitude in an area that interests you and it comes relatively easily, it may not be all smooth sailing. In fact you are virtually guaranteed to run in to roadblocks, potholes and the occasional wrong turn. One word for this is “resistance“. Another would be “growth“. And still another “learning“.

…flash back to the Borg… Do you think the Federation would have come out ahead in each conflict with them if they took the path of least resistance, and allow themselves to be assimilated? Heck no! They had to adapt. They had to learn and grow. They had to do what it took to survive. [sorry if you don't know the background story.. I'm sure wikipedia could help fill in the details]

Doing something that you want (or need) to do isn’t always easy. It’s usually harder than you want it to be, but without the challenges, you’ll likely not get what you really want. You won’t become proficient. You won’t enjoy the inevitable results. An there’s no way it will actually *become* easy.

The only way for these things to occur are through action, persistence and by breaking down resistance.

Don’t believe me?

Look at these obvious examples:

body building – resistance is key to building muscle
music – have you every started to learn to play an instrument? Unbelievable how awkward it can be at first (but later, it’s easy, and even picking up a new instrument becomes *much* quicker)
speaking a new language
learning to drive (especially a shift shift)

Without resistance, there would be little or no growth. No progress. It’s imperative that you understand this concept.

While it would be nice to say that everything in life will be easy, it would be a lie. That’s not to say that it can’t *become* easy. That would be the truth. It can! You just need to stretch you boundaries and grow into it.

Think back to when you learned to drive a car, or play a musical instrument, or any other thing that you are now proficient in. It probably came with its share of resistance, and problems. But now it’s second nature. You can hardly believe how easy it is. You don’t even think about it.

Resistance has it’s benefits. It can truly be fruitful, and the next time you are challenged by something outside of your comfort zone, you should think about the benefits to pushing past the rough spots.

Next time you hear someone say “resistance is futile”, just change the saying in your head–make it “resistance is fruitful“, and remember all that you’ve gained, and are about to gain through resistance. The law of attraction works, but the it’s only automatic if you make it so through your actions.

What are you resisting, and what will you gain from it? If you have nothing to gain by the resistance, by all means STOP IT! Otherwise, please share! When you become aware of these things, you’ll become more motivated and successful.

Are always… your turn! Please share!

Thanks,

Tim

Your Mental Nooks and Crannies Hold the Keys to Success

Tim Gary — Tue, 20 May 2008 05:11:22 +0000

Even though I have a list of things to write about (even if that’s no obvious from my recent lack of activity), I was struck by a thought this afternoon. A simple thought, but one which bares repeating, and study.

It has to do with “knowing verses doing”, and how valuable experience truly is.

Backtracking a little bit… I’ve been a programmer, and computer guy since *before* the public Internet, before hard drives were common (get this: I remember the launch of the first 5 megabyte hard drive under $1000!), and even back to punch cards (don’t ask). Computer knowledge usually sticks to my brain without effort. Each time I do something new on one of these machines, I learn a bit more about them, and how the code was written behind the fancy graphical interface.

Every bit of this knowledge helps me solve new problems in much less time than I would otherwise.

Big deal, right?

YES! It is a big deal!

Why?

Because…

Reading about something does not make you an expert at it.

Studying, and passing a test does not make you competent to handle real world situations.

ONLY doing something, and refining your hands-on knowledge will bring you success in any en devour you choose.

My recent experience configuring a computer device reminded me of this. The manual was almost worthless the user interface was worse, and there were few clues as to why the desktop computer wasn’t talking to the device. If I’d been a regular computer user, I’d be completely stuck.

Google searches and the manufacturer website were useless, and wasted time.

I had to defer to a few brain cells which held priceless information on how things worked inside the computer to come up with a solution. This information came by way of more hardware and software installs than you’d care to imagine. Not the easy ones, either.

My point is…

if all you do is read about things
if you already know everything you read
if you just need more things to study (need more info to continue)
if you just have to find the *perfect* situation

You will never move forward. Book knowledge is a great start, but is nowhere near enough for success… You actually have to take action and do something to acquire the tools for success. Think of it this way, after reading a manual, and studying, could you competently:

swim?
drive?
perform surgery?
poll vault?
program a computer?
play a musical instrument?
write a song?
write great sales letters?
design a website?
find financial freedom?
find your soul mate?

Do you get the basic idea behind this? You have to take action, and learn from those actions to succeed. There is no other way. It’s simple, too… just start experimenting, and performing. You can make it a game if you want.

Just get the experience somehow! NOW!

Quit waiting for the perfect time (it never will). Think back to any time you may have spend not-doing something. Then think about what might have been if you’d just done something, anything, to progress your hands-on experience. Where might you be now instead?

Uh huh. It will probably be an eye opener.

I’m curious what are you prepared to do.. OR any experience you’ve had with the above thoughts… Just drop me a note in the comments section below.

Be well,

Tim

PS. Check out Jeannette’s site at http://goodvibeblog.com/ for some more great thoughts on life success. I recently became acquainted with her blog, and highly recommend it.

“six-pack” follow up – dang if it doesn’t work like it should!

Tim Gary — Tue, 06 May 2008 07:17:16 +0000

In my relatively recent article “Have you been six-packed by your thinking” I talked about how your self talk could be hurting your chances of success–and even attract more of what you don’t want.

It seems simple. It seems obvious. We might say “yeah, that’s true”, but unless we start actually experimenting with, and changing things that aren’t working, we’ll keep getting the results we have programmed ourselves for.

So, it’s been a couple of weeks since the volleyball realization that my self-comments may be keeping me from playing better. What happens when I purposely change those thought patterns?

This past weekend, I played volleyball for the first time since that post (3 weeks). Knowing that my self talk is probably a habit worth changing, I caught myself every time I was about to make a critical remark about my play (and boy, I could’ve made a few comments). Instead, I chose to move on, and tell myself that I will do better next time, and that I’d learn something about this specific experience.

Sure as ____ (well, you know)… The next time, I *did* play better. I passed, hit, or served better. I improved 1000% over that previous dud of a play. Better yet, I acknowledged it, and congratulated myself on how I’d improved. As the games progressed, this became a self fulfilling mechanism where I’d continue to play better and better. Instead of a downward spiral of self defeating talk, I’d progressed upward in a self promoting whirlwind.

It was most obvious.

It was clear in how I played, how I felt about my play, and the outcome.

My positive encouragement and thoughts attracted positive results. I have no doubt that the outcome of these games would have been different if I’d continued my negative attention.

How does this relate to success in other areas? Well, first you must identify things that bring up your own negative self talk. They could be anything. It’s easiest to pick obvious areas so that you can better observe your progress, like my volleyball example. Later, you can move to more ingrained and meaningful situations such product creation, blog posting, etc… Choosing something simple first will allow you to observe the dramatic change that will occur, and really “get” the results. This will prime you for the bigger and more important projects at hand.

What methods will you use to change your self talk? Please share!

Habits and Success – Bad Driving… An Experiment (part 1)

Tim Gary — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 07:32:13 +0000

It’s been a while since I posted. Not that I’ve run out of ideas… More that I’ve been distracted…

No, not by the earthquakes that have been rattling Reno lately (and another one just this moment in fact), but by two things… My many projects outside of this “internet thing”, and my HABITS. More than anything, it’s the habits that are probably slowing me down the most. We all have them. They exist whether we recognize them or not, and they all play a major part in our success or failure (aka “results”).

The hardest part is recognizing the habits that are affecting our current situation.

As an exercise, I’ve decided to do whatever I can to recognize the habits that affect my own life, no matter how small or large, good or bad. For those I see as “bad” habits, I will make an effort to change them… Noting my reactions, resistance, and success.

There will be many! If you follow along, you’ll soon understand.

Here’s a really easy one I’ve recently focussed on. I say “easy” in that it was easy to identify and observe, but not necessarily easy to do something about…

Ready… Here it is… “bad drivers”

Ask my wife. I don’t really like to be around those who don’t fit my idea of “good drivers”. I’ll cuss, moan, whine about how they should never have been allowed a license to drive. How they are causing problems for everyone else. That the cell phone stuck to their ear while the merge onto a freeway at 35MPH is going to cause a wreck (it will and does).

So, my habit is that I get all worked up over what someone else is doing.

I don’t know which is more boneheaded, the person driving with a cellphone in one hand, and doing makeup with the other… or me, wasting time and energy carrying on about them. But still, it’s something I’ve let become a habit. I see a “bad” driver, and I can barely control myself. Instinct takes over and I let ‘em have it (not that they care) — .

The experiment begins. I’ve started to try different things to change my habit. Not that it’s such an important issue to change, but rather that it’s something I can clearly see, and observe. It’s also something that is frequent enough every time I get into my car, that feedback is almost immediate.

What I’ve found it that I still cuss and moan about the other drivers. But I do it slightly less frequently, and each time I do, I’m reminded of this experiment. Success. I’ve observed the habit!

Once observed, I run through a list of things in my head about what this behavior means to me, and why I’m doing it. Truthfully,the reason is probably more about me being “right” than anything else. I’d love to say it’s because the roads would be safer, or we’d all make it to where we want to go quicker, but that would be a lie. I simply despise their ineptitude as much as I despise my own. I want everyone to be competent 24-7.

When I go through the list of reasons “why” I act the way I do, they come up short.

I probably won’t make it to where I’m going more than a few seconds earlier.
The rest of us observant drivers will likely deal with the speed and erratic driving of the others.
No amount of me cussing, horn blowing, or otherwise getting working up over them will ever change the way they drive. Sad, but true. They will NEVER change because of my actions. Never, ever.
To feel righteous, or better than them. I may feel this way, but my stress level raises 1000 fold in the process. Not exactly productive!

Cutting to the chase… The ONLY ONE I have power over is MYSELF. It really doesn’t matter what they do. It only matter what I feel and do. Nothing can change this, so why would I make any choice but to do something supportive and constructive?

Because of Habit! And not a good habit.

Today, I made a solid observation of every time I got upset about something another driver did. I then went through my list of reasons, and observed. I did not change. But the fact that I observed what I was doing, and realized the real reasons for it is a huge step in the right direction. In the coming days, and weeks I will keep reminding myself of what I’m doing, and why the only thing that matter is my own results.

I know that in time I will become more focused on my own reactions, progress and success, than I am with others perceived problems and “stupidity”.

The challenge is to find the import habits that are holding us back and then doing something about them if they are holding us back in some way. Some common biggies are:

Perfectionism — probably my biggest hang up (though there are runners up)
Fear of success
Fear of failure
Shyness/fear of putting ourselves out there
Too much tv
Too much web surfing (“research”)
…insert your own discoveries here…

If you really want to succeed, you’ll need to observe your habits and make as many changes as are necessary to achieve your goal. It may not be easy, so I suggest you follow my lead, and “discover” something that is easy to observe at first. The tools you learn from truly thinking about these obvious habits can be applied just as readily to the more important ones. You just (usually) have to know why you’re doing what you’re doing first. Then you can progress.

That’s how it works for me anyway.

So… Can you identify a self-defeating habits. Preferably one that can be observed frequently. An easy one, or hard one. If you can identify and observe it frequently, choose that one. Then each time it comes up, think about what your response to it means to you. Think about why your choose to do that. Make a note of what you could change about your action, and how that could effect your feelings, results or behavior.

Remember that can only change yourself, not others. They must choose to change themselves, and you must choose to change yourself. You’re a FOOL if you are trying to change other people. Conversely, you are among the most brilliant if you choose to change yourself instead.

Which side would you rather be on?!

Please let everyone know if anything strikes a chord while reading this post. I hope it encourages some ideas big and small.

-Tim

PS. My wife is probably wondering how I’m going to pull this one off. Part 2 will reveal part of the secret. Stay tuned (and please bug me if my habits don’t produce fast enough

Have You Been “six-packed” by Your Thinking?

Tim Gary — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 05:15:00 +0000

Ok. If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know I like to take every day situations, and think about the effects they are having on my business and personal success. You wouldn’t believe the long list of interesting and useful things I have to talk about.

Last night I played volleyball in a local league. It’s been many months since I’ve played, and to say I was rusty would be a serious understatement. I used to be a pretty top-notch player, especially for someone who had nothing but “on the job” training (I played in pick up games, and worked my way up to better and better teams–throughout my 20′s in the bay area).

Today I’m sore, and stiff–in a good way, since I need the exercise, but that’s not why I’m writing.

I noticed something that I’ve noticed before, but never really equated it to anything important.

In reality, it could be one of the most important lessons I could learn, as long as I recognize it, and make the necessary course corrections in my life. It also may also be familiar to you.

So… Here’s the situation.. I’m rusty and not playing as well as I used to… I know this, and am beyond frustrated with myself. Every time I do the slightest thing wrong, my self-talk puts me in my place. I shoulda been faster. My timing should have been better. I should have “dug” that “spike” or “dink”.

I was focusing on the things I did wrong, instead of the things I did right. This is a sure-fire way to continue to struggle in life, love, business, etc..

Basically, the “Law of Attraction” states that you will get what you focus your attention (and take action) on. Focus on your failures, and you’ll get more failure, focus on your success, and you’ll get more of that too. I did the worst thing possible, and focussed on my “failures”. It was automatic, and emotional–the worst possible combination!

Here’s the funny thing. I played as well or better than most of the other players, and whenever I was congratulated on a good play (yes, there were quite a few of those as well), I shrugged it off. Can you believe it? I couldn’t take a compliment on my success! I also didn’t acknowledge my own strong plays myself–which is something that I’m sure is holding me back in other areas.

The term “six-pack” in volleyball slang means to be hint in the face by an opponent’s “spike”. This is a ball that is hit so hard and fast that it hits you before you can defend yourself. I see focusing on failure instead of success as and failure “six-pack”. It hits us in the face. Then does so again and again.

Or does it?

Maybe you’re like me, and just keeping the failures in your mind, and don’t focus on the “digs” (volleyball slang for being able to pass a “spiked” ball). We probably have many such successes, which are not celebrated nearly as much as the failures.

What do you think would have become of Einstein, Edison, Bandler and many other great thinkers if they focused on their failures instead of their successes? Do you think they’d have made the breakthroughs the they did if they focused on what didn’t work?

How about in business? Do you think Terry Dean, Bill Gates, Jimmie D Brown, and many others focused on what didn’t work? NO! They worked at things until they found formulas that worked for them. They focused on what worked, and moved from there. They didn’t (and don’t) dwell on whatr didn’t.

This shift in thinking is probably responsible for more successes and failures than anything else.

In fact, it brings up one of the most valuable articles of Terry’s I’ve read:

Why Believing in Yourself Will Change Your Life

If you and I do nothing but read that post, and start to recognize, and then change our self defeating behavior, I have no doubt at all that the success we desire will find us.

Please share any ideas you have in regards to “digging” the spikes that life and business throw you, and avoiding getting “six-packed”!

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